Abuse & Sexual Assault
Emotional Abuse
Many girls believe that if their boyfriend does not hurt them physically, then they are not in an abusive relationship. Yet, they wonder why they feel so unhappy and confused. Your boyfriend does not have to hit or push you to abuse you. Instead, his words and actions are all he needs. This is called emotional or verbal abuse.Examples of Emotional Abuse:
- tells you what you can wear, who you can see and where you can go
- is very jealous and possessive of you
- calls you names and tells you that you are worthless
- criticizes your opinions and feelings
- puts the blame for his failures and mistakes on you or other people, instead of taking responsibility for his own actions
- destroys objects that are important to you
- makes fun of you in front of your family and friends
Warning Signs of Dating Violence: What to look for...
- excessive jealousy
- Criticism of dress, behavior, actions
- Scare tactics such as driving fast or other reckless behaviors
- Easily angered
- Criticism of friends or family, and expectations to stop seeing them
- Unwillingness to talk about feelings
- Coming from a violent or alcoholic home
- Anger and violence is obvious when using alcohol or drugs
- Hold traditional ideas of what men and women should be and do - i.e. men make decisions and women please men
- Fear of violent acts (hitting, punching) or threats of suicide if you leave
What the victim may do...
- feel she can't live without him
- give up activities she enjoys because he doesn't like them
- "walk on eggshells" to keep him calm
- feels she is the only one who can help him, and tries to "reform" him
- Hide her injuries or tell stories explaining them
- Hide, excuse or explain his bad behavior to her friends and family
- believes there is something wrong with her if she doesn't enjoy the sexual things he makes her take part in
- stay in the relationship because she thinks he'll kill himself or hurt himself otherwise
If you are a victim of dating violence...
- Call your nearest Assault Centre
- Tell someone! Talk to a parent, teacher, doctor, counsellor or friend.
- Consider calling the police if you have been assaulted.
- Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault.
- Develop a safety plan.
- Consider ending the relationship as soon as possible. Without intervention, his violence will increase in frequency and severity as time goes on.
- Recognize that no one has the right to control you and that it is everyone's human right to live without fear.
- Learn Self-Defence techniques
- Take Assertiveness Training
From: Sexual Assault Services of Saskatchewan from the Handbook for the Prevention of Family Violence, 1990: Community Child Abuse council of Hamilton-Wentworth
Sexual Assault
Sexual Assault is any unwanted sexual contact forced on a person
without her/his consent. It includes any unwanted contact of the sex
organs (breasts, vagina, anus, buttocks, penis or testicles) and may
range from non-accidental touching, to forced intercourse.
Three categories of sexual assault exist under Canadian Law, ranging from Simple Sexual Assault where there are no obvious physical injuries, to Aggravated Sexual Assault where the victim has been seriously wounded or their life has been threatened.
Sexual Assault is a violent crime. It can happen to any male or female of any age, physical appearance or ability, life style, or ethnic background. The offender is usually known by the victim - an acquaintance, date, neighbour, employer, or family member. Husbands can be charged with sexual assault.
What to do if you have been sexually assaulted
- Do not change or throw out your clothing. Do not clean yourself in any way. Go to the hospital for immediate medical attention. The staff will do some tests to find proof of the assault.
- Call your nearest Sexual Assault Centre for support and counselling.
- Do not take medication, drugs or alcohol to calm your self. This may confuse you and also cause the police to think you are confused about what just happened.
- Consider reporting the sexual assault to the police.
- Remember: What happened to you in NOT your fault. There are people who care about you, and will support you. Sexual assault is a crime. No one has the right to force you to engage in any sexual activity without your consent. You ALWAYS have the right to say NO!
Saskatoon Sexual Assault Centre
201 - 506 25th Street East
306-244-2294 or 306-244-2224 (24 hour line)