Listening Do's & Don'ts
Don't:
- Don't decide in advance what other people will say, anticipating that their message will be interesting, boring, or something you already know.
- Don't pretend to pay attention (people know when you are not listening).
- Don't yield to disturbances. There are often things that will distract your attention while you are trying to listen.
- Don't do paper and pencil listening, trying to take down too many notes, with more interest in note-taking than in listening. When it is necessary to take notes, make them brief.
- Don't have emotional deafness. Certain loaded words can affect our feelings so much that we no longer listen, or we are side-tracked.
- Don't block out what you don't want to hear. Most of us remember what we want to hear much better than what we don't want to hear.
- Don't listen for facts only. Facts and spoken statements might only be a part of the entire message. Try to listen "between the lines", too. Pay attention to tones.
- Don't interrupt. You are not obligated to agree, but you should allow the person to complete the thought or opinion.
Do:
- Do stop talking (you can listen better that way).
- Do make sure that you can hear the speaker.
- Do face the person so that you can see and hear him or her. This allows you to take advantage of visual communication as well as oral communication.
- Do listen for the speaker's main ideas and consider his/her point of view with care.
- Do allow for the speaker's feelings. Try to put yourself in his/her place.
- Do be aware of your own feelings and prejudices.
- Do hear the person out.
- Do ask questions. If you have the opportunity, clarify any misunderstandings or possible assumptions by asking questions. Carefully select questions that can keep the conversation going smoothly. Avoid using WHY.
- Even if you disagree, do try to understand the person.
- Clarify in your mind the person's argument and your argument or opinion on the point of disagreement or discussion.
- When you respond to what the person says, comment on the good points made by the speaker before you state any disagreement or criticisms.
- Be sure to ask the speaker if you have stated his/her point of view correctly before you continue.