Supporting GLBT People
Supporting a Child, Family Member or Friend
Just like with other issues in life, many people go through a variety of stages when learning
someone they love is queer. It may have been very difficult for you to accept your own feelings -- it's fair to expect that some others
may have trouble at first, too (especially if they don't know many gay or lesbian people already).
Shock
May last a few minutes, a few days, a few weeks.
Sometimes they're not shocked at all
Denial
Could be expressed in many ways, such as anger, uncaring, ignoring,
rejection.
Guilt
"What did I do wrong?", they may ask themselves. They're too wrapped
up in blaming themselves to see that you are happy or that you have
new issues to deal with.
Feelings Expressed
They may want to ask questions; their feelings will come out: "I'm
disappointed I won't have grandchildren", "I don't want your life
to be hard", "What will grandma say?", etc...
Personal Decision Making
The ability to cope with the situation will improve as they talk to you and learn more about what it means
to be GLBT. There are many different possible outcomes. Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.
True Acceptance
Loving you for who you are.
When you meet gay and lesbian people... (hints for the heterosexual)
- Do not run screaming from the room. This is considered rude.
- If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
- Do not assume they are attracted to you.
- Do not assume they are not attracted to you.
- Do not expect them to be as excited about meeting a heterosexual as you may be about meeting a gay person (they were probably raised with straights).
- Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make clear that you are straight - they probably already know.
- Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead ask yourself how you got the way you are.
- Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.
- Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.
- Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only. They are gay 24 hours a day.
- Do not assume they want to be treated like the opposite sex.
- If you are tempted to tell them they are taking the easy way out, don't.