Emotional Responses to Abortion
How do women feel after an abortion?
Every woman is unique in how she feels after an abortion. Most women report a sense of relief that they have made the best decision under the circumstances. This is the most common response.
For some women, however, abortion can raise a number of emotional responses including sadness, guilt, rage, shame, and regret. Some women feel bad about themselves because they don't feel guilty about having an abortion, but think they should feel guilty.
Just as each woman is unique, so is her personal path to healing. In general, understanding your emotional pain can help you to begin to let go of the grief, guilt, rage, or shame you may be feeling. It is important to acknowledge that you are hurting and to take good care of yourself if you are experiencing difficulty.
You are not a bad person because you had an abortion. You are also not alone in having chosen abortion. Many women are surprised to learn that about 110,000 women in Canada have abortions each year.
The following information may provide some help to you if you are suffering emotionally after an abortion.
What kinds of things might contribute to a woman feeling distress after an abortion?
- Your hormones are changing back to their pre-pregnancy state. This chemical change can cause feelings of sadness and weepiness.
- You might have seen anti-abortion propaganda with graphic pictures of fetuses, telling you what you did was wrong.
- Someone else may have pressured you into having an abortion, rather than letting you make the decision for yourself.
- You might not have much support from your friends or family. Isolation is a major reason that women may find themselves in distress after an abortion.
- You might feel very divided inside about your decision to have an abortion. It may not have been clear to you that abortion was the right decision in your circumstances.
- You may feel abandoned and alone. Maybe you were hoping the man who got you pregnant would want to have a baby with you. Maybe he was not willing to do that, contributing to your sadness.
- Other parts of your life are very stressful - school, your job, your kids, etc.
- You might fear that you will never again be able to get pregnant. If this is a worry to you, you can rest assured that abortion does not cause infertility in the future.
- Anytime you make a difficult decision, it is natural to worry "What if I had made a different choice?" and to agonize over the decision.
- Abortion may bring up old experiences or feelings you have been repressing. For instance, if sexual abuse is a part of your past, you may find yourself re-living feelings related to your abuse. Feeling vulnerable about the pregnancy and abortion may trigger you to remember a time in the past when you felt frightened and vulnerable.
Is it normal to feel depressed after an abortion?
In rare cases, women may become clinically depressed after having an abortion.
If your feelings are overwhelming and do not seem to be resolving or you are suffering symptoms of
depression, you should consult a professional. For tips on how to choose a supportive, nonjudgmental counselor or therapist, visit
Peace After Abortion.
There are some factors that are known to contribute to the risk of depression after abortion, including having a history of depression, anxiety, or panic. Depression is a very serious illness. It is extremely important that you seek help from a professional such as a doctor, counselor, or therapist if you believe you are depressed.
What is "Post-Abortion Syndrome"?
A general consensus has been reached in the medical and scientific
communities that most women who have abortions experience little or
no psychological harm. However, many people who are opposed to abortion
claim that women who have had abortions will suffer from a type of
post-traumatic stress disorder called "post-abortion syndrome".
Reliable, unbiased studies have shown that, although psychological disturbances do occur after abortion, they are uncommon and are generally mild and short-lived.
The 1992 Adler study showed that serious or persistent problems are rare and are frequently related to the circumstances surrounded the abortion, rather than the abortion itself.
Most psychiatric experts doubt the existence of post-abortion syndrome
and point out that abortion is not significantly different from any
other stressful life experience that might cause trauma in some people.
What can I do to help myself heal after an abortion?
After an abortion, there are concrete things you can do to help yourself
come to terms with your decision. The following suggestions can help
you accept and deal with your feelings, make your feelings of sadness
go away and help you reach some "closure" to your abortion
experience.
- Allowing yourself to express any sadness and grief that you are feeling will help it to diminish. You won't always feel this way.
- Don't be hard on yourself. Talk to yourself in ways that are affirmative. You are a good person. You are a moral person.
- Remind yourself that you are brave - you made a difficult decision.
- Remind yourself why you made the decision to have an abortion. Remember you made the best decision you could under the circumstances.
- Ask yourself, if you hope to have a planned pregnancy someday, how would it differ from the situation you have just been in?
- Write your feelings down in a journal or special book that no one else will see.
- Think about things you can do which will make you feel good. Write them down and try to do several of these each day.
- Remind yourself of the future. Make a list of things you are looking forward to doing.
- Consider creating an "end" to your relationship with your pregnancy by writing a goodbye letter and keeping it in a safe place or burning it.
- Practice relaxation exercises to help deal with stress.
- Read about other women's experiences. This can be reassuring and make your own feelings more clear. You can find stories of several women who have had abortions at http://www.peaceafterabortion.com/stories.html
Where can I get more information about post-abortion self-care?
You can call Sexual Health Centre Saskatoon.
Men's emotional response to their partner's decision to have an abortion
- Identify how you are feeling: guilty? Rejected? Resentful? Angry? Helpless? Sorry? Scared? Concerned? Numb?
- Share these feelings with your partner
- Tell her how you're feeling about the relationship: be honest
- Ask her intentions regarding the relationship
- If she backs away from your affectionate gestures try to be patient and communicate with her
- If you notice disinterest or hesitancy toward affection and sex don't push. Talk to her. Find out how she's feeling
- Express how you're feeling
- Help her focus on the positive such as the end of uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms (nausea, breast tenderness, lack of energy)
- Show her you care about her emotionally and physically
- Ask how she's feeling occasionally (be careful not to pester her by fussing)
- Do something special
- Do read the post-care abortion information
- Do not assume that she feels guilty
- If she indicates that she is feeling guilty or if she is criticizing herself, do let her know that she has very good, lovable and loving qualities
- If you are feeling guilty and she isn't, don't try to make her feel guilty too, or expect that she should feel the same as you do
- It is ok to express your feelings to her
- It is a good idea to discuss your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend or a counsellor
- Ultimately you are each responsible for your own feelings and emotional stability