Talking About Condoms (for Girls)

Protecting yourself and your partner from STIs is a shared responsibility, so girls need to know how to raise the subject of condoms. Even if you're really shy, STIs and pregnancy are way too big of a deal not to bring up the subject.

If you think you might be having sex in the near future, it's a good idea to pick up some condoms to have around just in case he doesn't. And you should talk about using them before you start sex, not as you're rounding third base. It could be something you discuss right before things start to heat up, or you could talk about it casually, when sex isn't even an option. The point is, when the time for sex comes, you should know where you both stand. Otherwise, you could get caught up in the heat of the moment, and do something you'll regret.

And yes, there are ways to raise the subject without sounding like a traffic cop. Maybe use a little humour to lighten the discussion. For instance:

  • "So, how about we get the condom talk over with now, so we can enjoy ourselves later?"
  • "I know it's awkward, but we need to talk about condoms. Are you feeling as embarrassed as I am?"
  • "And now for a really romantic question: Your condom... or mine?"
Usually, your partner will be just as interested in avoiding disease and pregnancy. Still there's a chance he might say:
  • "Sex with a condom does nothing for me." You can say: "Let's see if we can do something about that."
  • "Don't you trust me? It's not like I've been sleeping around or anything." You can say: "Even so, you or I may be carrying STIs without knowing it. I'm concerned about protecting both of us."
  • "This discussion is so predictable. I was hoping you'd be different." You can say: "Sorry about the yawn factor, but sex without condoms isn't an option for me right now."
One of the big things to make clear is that sex without a condom makes you worried about yourself and about him. Tell him that you just wouldn't be able to relax or enjoy sex without a condom - and let him know that if you can enjoy sex more, there's a good chance he will, too.

If the discussion turns into an argument or a battle of wills, suggest a nonsexual activity like watching a movie. You can bring up the subject again some other time - or you can just wait until you find a partner who is more sexually responsible.

Sometimes you may not have enough warning to bring up the subject ahead of time. In this case, you may want to just produce a condom and say something like, "Here, let's use this". It doesn't have to sound like an order, but make it clear that it's not up for negotiation.

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    © 2006 Sexual Health Centre Saskatoon -- Updated December 6, 2008.